Vice President Harris's first Pre-Presidential Briefing, by Shoshanna Silcove

 

'Madame Vice President, are you ready to become President?" asks the Biden Shadow government (BSG)
"Yes, I am ready!" answers VP Kamala Harris.
" Are you sure Madame?"
"Absolutely, 100% sure!" the VP asserts.
'Well then, there are a few things you need to understand about what being President of the Unites States entails."
"Alright, I am listening," the VP perks up.
'First of all, you know, all those lefties in your constituency that you surround yourself with? You know, the far left sexually undefined folks, the pro Hamas folks, , the BLM folks, the radical feminists, communists, and so on, you know all your supporters? Forget about them. You must cut off all ties to all of them from your past and your present!" the BSG waits for her reply.

" I understand” the VP squirms, “but can I know why?"

BSG furrows his eyebrows and frowns,

"Because Madame Vice President, you are no longer the representative of a select left wing group but, as President you are a representative of all the citizens of the United States of America. That includes all those people you despise, like the Trump supporters, conservatives, people who follow the Judeo-Christian religions, Elon Musk, alternative social media types, middle Americans, the working class, straight white men, traditional housewives, and of course Jews. "

The VP gulps hard, "Ok, what else?"
'Well Madame Vice President, you will not be able to use a cell phone anymore, or email, for security reasons. You will no longer be able to leave the White House except for official visits, and oh Madame President, you must be available 24/7 to take phone calls from world leaders"
"Can I take any time off for myself?" the VP asks demurely.
"No Madame Vice President. Not unless you go to an official US government location such as Camp David, and even then you must be on call in case of national or worldwide emergencies, like kidnapping of Americans, plane crashes, environmental tragedies such as mass fires, riots, various unrest around the world, and of course wars, especially nuclear ones, Ma’am. I probably left some out.  Oh, and you will only have very limited time for relaxation as you will be burdened with constant work."
'Oh", the VP looks down at her shoes.
"Madame Vice President? Are you with me?" BSG says with a slightly raised voice.
'Oh yes of course," the VP says as she raises her head.
"And for now, for your very first pre-Presidential briefing, there is one last thing Madame Vice President. You will feel the burden of the world on your shoulders to an excruciating level. How do you deal with stress?"
" I guess I do ok with stress. Do I get to invite friends on Air Force One for private parties?" she asks
"Oh no ma'am, " the BSG shakes his head vigorously, ”In fact, I am glad you mentioned that Madame VP,  you know that dancing and joking around you did as VP in front of the media? That is over! Done! You can never ever do that again!"
The VP lets out a sigh.
"Madame VP President, for example, you will be told, ‘Madame President, President Putin, or Bibi Netanyahu are on the phone’, and you had better be ready take the call Madame, especially since President Biden avoided those calls for three and a half years, you must show you can take the calls, you know, for the image of the Democrat party. And by the way Madame VP, you can bet your bottom dollar that Putin and Bibi will tear you to pieces!"
The VP grimaces.
'So Madame Vice President, are you ready?"